In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful
The general rule in Islam is that Muslims must be truthful in everything they say, whether it be in religious or worldly matters. Honesty (sidq) is one of the primary characteristics of the true believers.
Allah Almighty said:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَكُونُوا مَعَ الصَّادِقِينَ
O believers! Be mindful of Allah and be with the truthful.
Surat al-Tawbah 9:119
Abdullah ibn Mas’ud reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
عَلَيْكُمْ بِالصِّدْقِ فَإِنَّ الصِّدْقَ يَهْدِي إِلَى الْبِرِّ وَإِنَّ الْبِرَّ يَهْدِي إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَمَا يَزَالُ الرَّجُلُ يَصْدُقُ وَيَتَحَرَّى الصِّدْقَ حَتَّى يُكْتَبَ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ صِدِّيقًا وَإِيَّاكُمْ وَالْكَذِبَ فَإِنَّ الْكَذِبَ يَهْدِي إِلَى الْفُجُورِ وَإِنَّ الْفُجُورَ يَهْدِي إِلَى النَّارِ وَمَا يَزَالُ الرَّجُلُ يَكْذِبُ وَيَتَحَرَّى الْكَذِبَ حَتَّى يُكْتَبَ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ كَذَّابًا
You must be truthful. Verily, truthfulness leads to righteousness and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man continues to be truthful and encourages honesty until he is recorded with Allah as truthful. And beware of falsehood. Verily, falsehood leads to wickedness and wickedness leads to the Hellfire. A man continues to tell lies and encourages falsehood until he is recorded with Allah as a liar.
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6094, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi
However, we may encounter some circumstances in our lives when stretching the truth is permitted, or even necessary. Islam grants us a merciful concession to tell ‘white lies,’ which are trivial or unharmful lies, if it would result in better relationships between people and spouses.
Asma’ bint Yazid reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
لَا يَحِلُّ الْكَذِبُ إِلَّا فِي ثَلَاثٍ يُحَدِّثُ الرَّجُلُ امْرَأَتَهُ لِيُرْضِيَهَا وَالْكَذِبُ فِي الْحَرْبِ وَالْكَذِبُ لِيُصْلِحَ بَيْنَ النَّاسِ
It is not allowed to lie except in three cases: a man conversing with his wife to please her, to lie in warfare, and to lie in order to reconcile people.
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1939, Grade: Hasan
Imam al-Khattabi commented:
هَذِهِ أُمُورٌ قَدْ يَضْطَرُّ الْإِنْسَانُ فِيهَا إِلَى زِيَادَةِ الْقَوْلِ وَمُجَاوَزَةِ الصِّدْقِ طَلَبًا لِلسَّلَامَةِ وَدَفْعًا لِلضَّرَرِ وَقَدْ رَخَّصَ فِي بَعْضِ الْأَحْوَالِ فِي الْيَسِيرِ مِنَ الْإِفْسَادِ لِمَا يُؤْمَلُ فِيهِ الْكَثِيرُ مِنَ الْإِصْلَاحِ … وَأَمَّا كَذِبُ الرَّجُلِ زَوْجَتَهُ هُوَ أَنْ يَعِدَهَا وَيُمَنِّيَهَا وَيُظْهِرَ لَهَا مِنَ الْمَحَبَّةِ أَكْثَرَ مِمَّا فِي نَفْسِهِ يَسْتَدِيمَ بِذَلِكَ صُحْبَتَهَا وَيَصْلُحَ بِهِ خُلُقُهَا
These are matters in which a person may be compelled to say more or exaggerate the truth to seek safety and avoid harm. In some situations, a concession has been granted to commit a lesser wrongdoing to achieve a better outcome… As for a man lying to his wife, it is that he assures her, appeases her, and shows her more love than what is in his heart, by which to prolong her company and improve her character.
Source: Sharḥ al-Sunnah lil-Baghawī 13/119
These concessions, which are specific exceptions to the general rule, make life easier for us, but they are not without their limits. Spouses do not have unrestricted permission to lie to one another, nor can treaties be violated in warfare. On the contrary, the concession regarding marriage is solely for the intention of maintaining harmony in the relationship if, for instance, the blunt truth would hurt the other’s feelings.
A practical example of this concession in action was related from the Righteous Caliph, Umar ibn al-Khattab.
Ibn Abi ‘Azrah reported: A man in the time of Umar said to his wife, “I adjure you by Allah, do you love me?” She said, “As you adjured me by Allah, I do not.” The man went out until he came to Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, so he sent for her. Umar said to her, “Are you the one who told her husband you did not love him?” She said, “O commander of the faithful, he adjured me by Allah. Should I fib?” Umar said:
نَعَمْ فَأَكْذِبِيهِ لَيْسَ كُلُّ الْبُيُوتِ تُبْنَى عَلَى الْحُبِّ وَلَكِنَّ النَّاسَ يَتَعَاشَرُونَ بِالْإِسْلَامِ وَالْإِحْسَانِ
Yes, you should fib. Not all households are built upon love, but rather people get along by Islam and good manners.
In this case, the wife told her husband the sharp, unflattering truth, and it consequently hurt his feelings. Sometimes, brutal honesty is nothing but raw brutality with no redeeming features. Islam does not require us to say such things that would make our spouses feel bad.
As such, it would have been better for the wife to appease her husband with a ‘white lie,’ or an embellished truth, for the sake of maintaining a healthy marriage, as Imam Ibn al-Malak suggested:
كَأَنْ يَقُولَ لَا أَحَدَ أَحَبُّ إِلَيَّ مِنْكَ
It is as if one says, ‘No one is dearer to me than you.’
Source: Sharḥ al-Maṣābīḥ 5/324
And Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen commented:
كذلك من المصلحة حديث الرجل زوجته وحديث المرأة زوجها فيها يوجب الألفة والمودة مثل أن يقول لها أنت عندي غالية وأنت أحب إلي من سائر النساء وما أشبه ذلك وإن كان كاذبا لكن من أجل إلقاء المودة والمصلحة تقتضي هذا
Likewise, among the benefits in the conversation of a husband with his wife, or a wife with her husband, is what results in greater affinity and love, such as saying to her, ‘You are most priceless to me,’ and, ‘You are more beloved to me than all other women,’ and whatever resembles that, even if it is a fib. Rather, it is for the purpose of generating affection and the benefits resulting from this.
Source: Sharḥ Riyāḍ al-Ṣāliḥīn 6/184
The scholars did not derive any permission from this concession for spouses to deceive one another, especially in ways that hurt each other or violate the rights and duties of the marriage contract. Either spouse who tricks or misleads the other in a harmful or illegal manner has certainly committed a sin.
Imam al-Nawawi commented:
وَأَمَّا كَذِبُهُ لِزَوْجَتِهِ وَكَذِبُهَا لَهُ فَالْمُرَادُ بِهِ فِي إِظْهَارِ الْوُدِّ وَالْوَعْدِ بِمَا لَا يَلْزَمُ وَنَحْوُ ذَلِكَ فَأَمَّا الْمُخَادَعَةُ فِي مَنْعِ مَا عَلَيْهِ أو عليها أو أخذ ما ليس لَهُ أَوْ لَهَا فَهُوَ حَرَامٌ بِإِجْمَاعِ الْمُسْلِمِينَ
As for a husband lying to his wife, and her lying to him, the meaning is to display affection, non-binding assurances, and so on. As for deception to obstruct the duties upon him or her, or to take what does not belong to him or her, it is forbidden by the consensus of the Muslims.
Source: Sharḥ al-Nawawī ‘alá Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 16/158
And Imam Ibn Hajar commented:
وَاتَّفَقُوا عَلَى أَنَّ الْمُرَادَ بِالْكَذِبِ فِي حَقِّ الْمَرْأَةِ وَالرَّجُلِ إِنَّمَا هُوَ فِيمَا لَا يُسْقِطُ حَقًّا عَلَيْهِ أَوْ عَلَيْهَا أَوْ أَخْذُ مَا لَيْسَ لَهُ أَوْ لَهَا
It is agreed upon that the meaning of ‘lying’ in regards to the rights of wives and husbands is only regarding what does not negate their rights and duties upon each other, or take from each other what does not belong to them.
Source: Fatḥ al-Bārī 5/300
Serious violations of marital rights and duties by deception are legitimate causes for divorce if the relationship cannot be salvaged. Indeed, treachery, betrayal, and cruelty are among the major sins that lead to Hellfire. We seek refuge in Allah from committing such evil deeds.
In sum, spouses are permitted to exaggerate a little bit in their intimate conversations to strengthen their love and affection for each other, or at least not to hurt each other’s feelings. They are not allowed to deceive or mislead each other in hurtful, immoral, or illegal ways.
Success comes from Allah, and Allah knows best.
